The Wrong Things I Think Are Right

Maybe we’ll play pretend

2012-02-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

&close your eyes and count back to ten

hello world;

Life is..

well I don't know.

you tell me, since you obviously figured it all out. I'm just going to be here and hopefully I'll find the answer along my way.

But the town has always turned

2012-01-29T07:17:00.000-08:00

&with all these lies that made them all burn

hello world;

I get this question a lot. Whispers and Clamours?

Whispers

n. an act of confiding something to another person in a quiet manner

Clamours

n. a vehement expression of collective feelings or outrage

Anyways

Out of sight and out of mind. The need for mindless rage has been overwhelming. That is the only way I know how nowadays

I have forgotten what it was like to be awed by the still and silence of the moment when you and the world were at peace.

Truth is, what we have when we wake is only the emotional catharsis of what it is like living as ourselves. Thus we drown ourselves in the noise and the calamities that the world has to offer us because we refuse to be still. Be still and listen to the voice that is our own. Cause all we do nowadays is run, run from the person that we are. Run from the distinctions that draws the lines between the repercussions of our young reckless lives.

We are throwing our lives away like it is nothing.

All because we refused to be still.

be still and listen

Now I'm dependent, swear I'm clinical

2012-01-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

&I'm addicted to those glances, taking chances tonight

hello world;

Anberlin has and always will be the soundtrack of my life.

so, 2012 is here

the blog has been awfully silent for the last few weeks or so but despite the body aches all over, I need to get it all out of my system, so here goes nothing.

"5 resolutions to be done in a year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8765 hours, 525984 minutes and 31556926 seconds"

That was what I said back in 2010. Without realizing it, time has passed me by and made fools out of us all.

Well to an extent I did keep to my resolutions for 2011 but lets face it, the spirit is willing the flesh is weak. #storyofmylife

but looking back at 2011, it was a good year all in all. I don't regret anything despite all the stupid nights and crazy 2am's filled with the mistakes we all made.

The people I met, the friends I made, the love I've lost. Too much for words to be honest.

I think I'm losing my touch in this. Inarticulate, inarticulate

I guess it all boils down to me having no regrets about 2011, what has happened, happened and I am still that same person on inside, always have, always will be. Not going to sell my self short of what life has to offer. I'm not going to so much care about the restraints I imposed on myself anymore, fuck it all.

I've lived for far too long, worrying about what people think about me, how people are going to judge me. I've wasted too much time impressing people that I don't even know or like. People are going to talk trash about you anyways whether you like it or not and I guess I am just tired of living my life being constricted by all these "people". In most cases, you just care more about their opinion rather then them actually caring about you.

I want to accept myself as who I am. I want to do it the right way this time. It will get better. All I need is time.

and I have until the fall of 2013 to do so.

I'm tired of being typical. I'm tired of fitting in anymore. Fuck it all man, like fuck it all.

2012 is where I am turning the cables and playing the cards right.

One year, 5 days and we're starting new

2011-12-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

&we're trying to make a change, it's one more thing to do

hello world;

the early hours of day has never beckoned me to be so productive

so, societal standards anyone?

Some might argue that in structural functionalism, you and I are just both just 2 components to what remains as a vast network of interrelated structures that works together in interdependent and cohesive nature to keep the natural order of things going.

When something that we do is deemed as politically incorrect or not up to societal standards, who are the ones that actually determine what is deemed as acceptable and not? Who are the ones tabling these sub-form's and limitations that inhibit the individuals right to self expression? There are a lot of message pluralism's that goes along the strata of acceptance in today's society. A very undesirable outcome of this instance is that stereotypes and overwhelming conformity are founded just to meet the pars of a society, one which we do not know, have set for us.

Who is to say that being 20 means that we automatically have to bury the childlike self's within us and take up the formal apprehensions that the adult and so called "mature" way of life that society has in store for us? So are we to hang up the jumper suits ( so to speak ) and start actually suiting up because it is said so in the inpromptu commandments from society?

well I like holding on the to the remnants of the past, the reminder of a period of time I let wasted in light of my youth and now coming to an end, it is almost as if that I do not wish to let these moments just past me by. It doesn't mean that I am immature, it just means that I refuse to let all these tiny shreds of a childhood wasted past me by. It means that I am afraid of growing up, the pressure of it all, the corporate environment, the responsibilities and commitments that lie ahead of me for a long long time more to go.

still, I haven't got the courage to tackle it all in one go but I should really stop giving myself buffer years. Buffer years since I was what, 15. Look where I am now. Same differences if not, really. Thus, the last and I assure you the last of rectification opportunities I have would be the big 20. Last chance before the legality ensures.

I have approximately 2 years before graduation. Where has the years passed me by

The walls start breathing and my minds unweaving

2011-12-12T00:57:00.001-08:00

&just a little insight won't make this right;It’s too late to fight

hello world;

the truth hurts but we all need to hear it

Inner peace comes from the cohesion of the soul, the spirit and the body. Fight it not, will it not.

so 2012 has been fleeting and it is coming to an end, what have I really gotten out of this year proves to be a kickback to reality. The reminder that change is imminent if the road that I am travelling on does not lead me back to the my desired path. It has been said far too many times but it still has to be said again, we have been travelling down the opposing side of life for far too long now, time to get back on to the right track all over again.

Begrudge not the mistakes that we have made for we once young and stupid but for some of us we still are. Twas the times, good old times.

oh well, time to grow up.

There are 2 things in life which are certain. What we can change and what we can't change. It just a matter of sorting the two out and accepting the facts

Change is always a resolution, how we act on it on the other hand is what that counts. Sure anyone can make a 101 resolutions, but how many can actually accomplish it?

To keep from crawling back

2011-12-05T19:28:00.001-08:00

&do you accept me even when we both know my past.

hello world;

well

I have been extremely self conscious for the last few days

Socially awkward penguin LV9000

~~it sucks having to feel this way~~

God only knows what we're fighting for

2011-12-03T09:09:00.001-08:00

&I'll be my own savior standing on my own two feet

hello world;

the last 2 two days have been stressful both with the work load and the strain that comes with it

How can complete strangers make other people feel so bad and horrible about themselves without even as much as knowing their name?

Acceptance is one hard word to deal with. We all know the truth, but the truth hurts. We run away. We do it all the time. We try to outrun the truth that haunts us. The truth is a painful thing. The truth is paralyzing to feel. The truth comes in the way between yourself, happiness, and a life of lies.

Run all you want

but running away from the truth is just like running away from your shadow. It is a part of you

you,
your life
who you are
who you think you are
who you really am

sometimes I find myself asking this question late at night when I am all alone with my thoughts

why me?
does god have an ironic sense of humour?
is this supposed to be some sick test I am supposed to pass?
to choose between hedonistic pleasures of the world or the spiritual intercession of a god that I don't even know exists?

maybe
who knows
I for one don't know anything anymore

how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

2011-11-30T10:18:00.001-08:00

&would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

hello world;

realization is well a painful process to begin with

Mistakes. We all make them. However so the realization of your faults and errors of your ways is the ultimate goal at the end of the day. Sure you can go on living on like before, not properly addressing the problems at hand. What you'll get at the end of the day is living your life in a complacent matter, without giving so much as a worry to your own faults, grievances and mistakes.

welcome to the fallout, it isn't pretty but sooner or later we all have to pay the price of our youthfulness

I am very fortunate in life. I truly am. Not having a father around is to be honest the LEAST of my problems. No shit. Well, I thank the lord for my family. Small, flawed but precious none the less. I thank the lord for guiding me through life safe and sound. Jesus take the wheel but that is no excuse, no safety net. Its time I took over, rectify the mistakes of the past and with the knowledge that the Lord is by my side, ready to take over when I am failing is a comfort, a joy and a privilege.

Faith is what keeps me going. The easy way out is not even an option here. We have obstacles thrown at us, but what we are going through is only less than 1% of what the Lord has done for eyes. The eyes might not see the finite form of a godly being, but the spirit and the soul has stood witness to what the Lord is and has done for us. He is true, he is here, he is Jesus.

well I don't always do spiritual posts like these, but I love my faith. I stand by it no matter what. I walk in the light of Christ the Lord. He lights my every path, every step I take in life.

We all have fallen out of the path somehow. Some strayed further way beyond the comfort zone, but repent and come back. Fight and break the chains keeping you away from the grace of the Lord and walk in full knowledge that the Lord welcomes us in open arms.

I have my doubts, I have my dilemma's but I fully trust that the Lord would not give me more that what I can handle. If I am not able to rise to the problems that are at hand, I am failing myself, I am failing the confidence in which I have been entrusted with. I will be strong, I will persevere. It is not an easy task and I have always rather avoided the problem then confront it but so help me lord. Help me fight the demons within.

Ever lasting, your light will shine when all else fails. Praise be to lord

Wake up, you're gettin' high on your own supply

2011-11-26T09:12:00.001-08:00

&you've got a mouthful of diamonds and a pocketful of secrets

hello world;
November is coming to an end; say hello to december

God bless the long lonely roads leading out of Bandar Kinrara
There is so much about a late night drive, soulful music and the winding roads that is just good for the soul and you

I wish I could believe that the cure was as simple as that but life was we all know isn't as simple as abc123

November personally for me was a particularly testing time in my life. I wish, I just wish that I would have found the answers to life, on how to handle all this unrest and turbulence within but and yes there is always a but, excuses excuses.

The weight of the world lies in the secrets that you keep within yourself. Each secret, each lie you covered up, no matter how minuscule has its own weights and burdens. Sooner or later, you'll find that the weight that rests on your shoulders is just too much to carry anymore. You want to break free but you are unable to face the cold realities of life, where else to go from here?

Up or out
your call

Parachutes won't save you, it wouldn't get you far. Up or out. That is the only way to go

Funny what a weird and easy heart I had

2011-11-17T08:23:00.001-08:00

&I'm good enough not I can't do this anymore; oh where are you?

Funny what a weird and easy heart I had
Before you took it away, oh
It returned on its own
A calloused, fettered waste
Now it lays awake like vapor
don't fade from the swamp

Cool your loveless wallowing
Begone
Leave me be
Leave me be
As miserable and salty as the sea

Hey
C-c'mon back
G-Good God, I was good enough
Oh, where are you?

Nobody knows the price of this dream

2011-11-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

&we're singing how did we get this far riding on a shooting star?

hello world

Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

So help me lord
Help me understand, help me seek guidance, help me seek your loving embrace, help me seek your truth, your life, and your grace.

So much has happened within the last few weeks. Turbulent and disconcerting are just 2 ways to help simplify the manner of which has happened.

Confiding is good but who likes a negative person, thus the emotional wreckage within. I just haven't learned to deal with it very well on my own

I have been living so far on borrowed happiness and adrenaline of the young and reckless. The more time you spend with other people, the more you forget who you are.

I wish, I can say I have matured and have risen to the occasion over the course of things that have happened recently but I have still much to learn.

The nonoccurrence have numbed my senses. I want to do something completely unreal and ethereal right now just to know that I am alive.

Perhaps I am losing mind
Perhaps tomorrow I will buy those 72 cats

You can rearrange me now

2011-10-30T00:36:00.000-07:00

&if we wait we can make it somehow

hello world;

lyrics are the form of expression for the inarticulate

Poker night and beer are the weekly Saturday night routines now. I foresee a spiraling social life if I continue to keep this up. Not that a social life matters anymore once we thread into November, which is by far the busiest month for any mass communications student. Can't say that we had it hard considering all the lax and play time we have had before this. Oh well, nothing a cuppa wouldn't cure.

The calender aside

In my honest opinion, I think that I am having it pretty good right now and what life has taught me so far is to never take anything good for granted. 2011's has been kind to me so far. Hoping this keep this up for the next 2 years, by far will it then.

I guess I'm not that scared for growing old and the inevitable as much as I used to be. Its not like you're going to morph completely into a different person. You are very much still you as a person, only thing you're older, taller, the usual stuff but yeah, still you

Rendering the images of a picture perfect model of perfection and thinking that you are magically gonna evolve into the person is never gonna happen. So keep on dreaming and all you'll find when you wake up is shitty realities and mounds of disappointment.

Best to keep living in reality, it keeps you alive

Not that anyone reads this anymore but I think that the quality of my writing has recently decreased. Thinking of opening a photolog in Tumblr but meh, I don't have the time to constantly upload and photoshop but giving it consideration. Probably next year when I get everything sorted out and all.

Prioritize. That is the word

My heart won't move; its incomplete

2011-10-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

&is there a way that I could make you understand

hello world;

only a snippet out of my first Loyar Burok blog post entitled : " Controlling the urge to high 5 the government on the face with a chair"

well, the song No Air by Jordin Sparks has been on replay for the last few days, or so I think. Few days or entire lifetime, I honestly can't tell anymore.

Its like I found the missing piece of the puzzle. You make me swoon with everything you do, everything you say, with everything just by being you.

Jaded before, given up halfway but you came and that's all I am asking for.

you.

Don't think it's what you're afraid of

2011-10-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

&come on in you know what's been made up

hello world;

Poker is a very, very fun game. Winnings paid for beer and supper #fuckyeah

Also I have spent the 24 hours singing " soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur" in my head. What even

Anyways, people in life are often giving you opportunities to make your lives better. They just aren't shoving it down your throat. So quit bitching about how your life sucks and do something about it #justsaying

Dilemma's dilemma's
Signing up for gym would mean uber commitments for a year, less social outings including poker night and trip down to Sid's for snakebites and also forking out a portion of my monthly allowance to pay for it

BUT, huge but (pun not intended)
if I do stick with it and manage my year through healthy routines, then hello sexy abs of steel, where have you been all my life

first world problems, just saying.

well on the issue of spending excessively, not being a brat but I can never ever be poor next time. No shit about that cause well, only child, I have got to make sure that I make enough to support my mum and my excessive spending. We all have certain standards to fulfill in life and based on what we have right now, unless you are a saint, the hardest thing to do by far is to live way below what you are accustomed to. Therefore, study hard now and sell my working soul to the capitalist company and gain as much as I can within the 10 years or so after graduation. Seems foolproof, for the time being at least.

They say an end can be a start

2011-10-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

&it feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive

hello world;

Blogging when you have a term paper that is due tomorrow with absolutely nothing done is a recipe for absolute disaster mind you but I just can't seem to get my self to write shit.

the perils of procrastination

I also shouldn't be listening to Paper Boats by Nada Surf in this condition. Le bed, le perfect temperature and jasmine infusions. I am screwed

Recently my mind has been a racketeering train of disasters leading from one to another. Thoughts that never seem to leave my mind, setting the agendas aside albeit the insidious state that I have been in for the last few days. Feverish I might add

So here I am deliriously raving here to eliminate these thoughts and words out in written to appease the mind. So pardon the vehement verbal diarrhea here and bear with me

Over thinking an issue retrospectively has brought about absolutely nothing apart from unwarranted concerns and even more so disparaging attempts to right the wrongs which fyi almost always fails with a capital F

but if you would think about it

What would have happened if my parents were still married and kept the furniture business alive?
Would I be kicking it with the Japanese counterparts and finally have the Maxi Mini that I have always wanted?

What would have happened if I had chosen to live with my dad instead of my mum?
Would I have hated my mum, or the fact that she might chose the get married again to someone else?

What would have happened if we didn't have the money that we have stashed away today?
Would we be living in some run shackled down DBKL flat in Brickfields with dodgy neighbours and having to worry about making ends meet every day?

What would have happened if I had went to a different school back then?
Would things today have ended up the same way, for the better or for the worse?

Questions that I have asked myself over and over for the last few days and the unanswered questions are infuriating my mind, propelling me to think even more deeper and darker thoughts on the what if's or what would have's

I guess it all comes down to perception and on how do you want to tackle a problem as it is. Removed the what if's and what would have's from the equation and you will end up finding yourself what to be the present life that you are living and it is not to shabby I might add. Nice comfortable house, enough money to pursue my passions, supportive parent and family in general. I have it good and I make it a point to be reminded of it everyday

why?

cause the stigma of single parents in society is living the low life in some ram shackled DBKL apartment in Brickfields, worrying 24/7 about your next meal and having society look down upon you like dirt on their shoes

It is the sad, sad truth that pertains in our Asian society, I am truly blessed to not have been apart of the statistics of the poor and oppressed living way below the line of poverty.

The sadder truth to this so called self realization is that by witnessing the pain of others, we make ourselves believe that we are far better off and by which we are but all we do is get back to our own happy lives, making everything better for us. Have we forgotten something?

What about the sufferings of the people whom inspired us? We go back to living our lives and they go back to living theirs, only difference is that they are not using Dolce & Gabbana or Fendi wallets. So everything is still the same.

Changing a person is hard, changing the societal stigmas are even harder.

Be the change that you want to see that you want to see in the world. If you can't beat em, don't join em. Change and kill em with the passive aggressive conscience.

Once you get the feeling it wants you back for more

2011-10-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

&now it get’s ethereal feet ain't on the floor

hello world;

the irony of singleton malt on the very night I turned single after a 6 month romance.

I have poured my heart out to much and to relive the exact same story all over again is too much like a nightmare for my own liking.

~~Long story cut short~~;
you know what, just fuck it la. no point looking back at it any longer

Over the weekend, I've managed to keep myself busy. Something about me which I do realize is that I like keeping myself busy, I enjoy running around and getting tasks then only because I do not wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. Nothing good comes when you are emo in your room at 2 a.m in the morning. Trust me, I have had too much of that experience back in the Residence so lets not even go there.

The dead memories and damning silence in the comfort of your own four walls, accompanied by emo core music. Recipe for disaster, thank you very much.

Was having lunch with mum at Antipodean and mum was saying that it is hard to get me home just to have a meal with her and grandma. That would probably the the single biggest offence a single kid could do towards their parents, something that I am trying to rectify at this point. I mean so what if you are at home all the time but pardon the literal translation, never show face anywhere else in your house apart from your room then what is the point. Parents get lonely, especially if you are out all day, so be nice and spend quality time with your parents. Okay, that line made me sound like a walking PSA

Ebon who apparently is my new relationship consultant said this to me after the match

"Alex, she lost two things when she broke up with you. First she lost a good guy like yourself, secondly she lost UndiMsia"

That to me was like WOAH MAJOR CHEESEBALL MOMENT BRB HEART MELTING

16th marked the official UndiMsia monthniversary, however it is almost as if we have known each other for years now. One big happy crazy family, lets put it that way

If it wasn't for UndiMsia, I wouldn't have had the privilege of meeting such a diverse group of people whom now I call my bros and bitches for life. True story

All i am is a body floating down-wind

2011-10-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

&because we're stuck in our own paths and it's the way it always lasts

hello world;

The Brits make the best music ever. When I grow up, I wanna grow a monocle and be British.

I am not that fussed about going overseas as I previously was. Sure the overseas exposure is good and I definitely will not miss the campus here #justsaying. Thinking it through, I have things pretty well here. Loads of friends and things to keep me rooted here. No point thinking about how things will be like in a couple of years or months for that fact. Hasbee's advice : " live everyday, one day at a time"

I am however, waiting and might I add, desperately waiting to go to the UK. Glastonbury and V, not to mention Oxygen up north and Southseas and Boomtown Fair back central.

Festivals aside

I deleted the last post with good measures and no regrets at all. True I have daddy issues, self esteem issues, heck the people who hate me and childhood bullies are now prowling in KPD everyday, but I am not going to be a bitch about and cry my heart out thinking how life is depressing sod up my ass just because of these backward incidents. I have issues, half the world has but what they do not have are my bros and bitches to help me get through it

I am genuinely miss meeting a lot of people and the last thing I ever want is for friendship to grow distant just because we haven't met up for a bit. Sorry but I have had too much people in my life who walk in and out without saying goodbye and if I can help it, I would will it otherwise but if you are the one who gave up on the whole thing then fuck you.

There is a reason why I refuse to attend any concerts here this year. I know that 30STM are a good band and all but apart from that none of the acts here this year were what I call the soundtrack to my life, that wrote music that I could really relate to. Not that all of Bombay Bicycles Clubs lyrics were all that relatable but you get what I mean. I refuse to listening to some Usher rip off prance on stage while I am all mashed up within the crowds. Not worth giving a fuck to.

This is good, I am getting my mojo back and I have vowed to stay pure for a week. I am on a roll here. I credit good music for helping me get back on my feet. I have stayed on my bums for way too long now.

7 Years Went Under The Bridge

2011-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

&like time was standing still; heaven knows what happens now

hello world;

Time is a luxury, one that I cannot afford to waste at the moment.

Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is probably one of the better albums that I've really come to love. All the happy memories within each and every track.

Turned 19 a couple of weeks back. Had a small sit down dinner with an incredible after party to kick off the last year before reaching the big 20. The usual style of things would be followed by an extremely cheesy blog post by me but fuck this shit, I had a great year all in all. I wouldn't have asked for any more.

I was going to write an article about the non-conventionalist mindset in our atypical society of Malaysians. Still am writing it though albeit the fact that it sounds uber elitist.

Heck that, I sound uber elitist nowadays. Dafuq

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly

2011-09-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

&so I just waited with the lights turned out again

hello world;

bankers
we finance death and desire

Growing up does suck, no one said that it didn't. Growing up means that you would now have the responsibility to make better, more important, more expensive, more permanent choices in life. No matter how stupid or drunk you were when you made it, you've just got to grow a pair and stick with the choices that you made.

welcome to adult hood. it is yet another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent life of adults

I guess we've had about the last 18 year of our life to screw up and make mistakes and right now, being in this transition period before we are of actual legal age, I guess the right thing to do is to make amends and learn to let go of our mistakes. Our mistakes do not define who we are, it is how we go about resolving it that matters. That is why I love the American mindset sometimes. It is all about second chances and living life to the fullest. Something that we Asians can't, wouldn't comprehend.

What gets you off the roll isn't the things you say or the things that you do, it may be empty beyond promise for all you know.

But no, what really gets you in life is when you had that moment of realization, one moment, that one decision that would ultimately change your life as you know it. A leap of faith, a magical moment in time when the cosmic universe aligns and grants you an elevated state of mind and BAM! Decisions, decisions

I am still waiting for that moment. Aren't you?

You see I've got this critical conscience

2011-09-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

&when they find out, they'll sound every siren

hello world;

The feeling that you get when you are inarticulate with your words and your feelings is a horrible one ain't it?

It is just how I am programmed to function #greatjobalex

Despite all the new hipster indie music that I am getting my fix on recently, I still yearn for the familiarity of a couple of those old mainstream songs and movie soundtracks. As cheesy as they may be, they were once the soundtrack to my all ordinary suburban life and I don't know, growing does have that effect on you.

I find myself question the simplest things in life but sometimes, the simple things might not necessarily be the ones with the simplest answers. Questions like, how much longer can I put up with this or how much longer are you going to lie to yourself, are just left unanswered. I wish I could google up the answer but lets face it, life is a bitch and google doesn't solve the reality itself

I wished I was different but I already am, what more to it can I possibly ask for?

We are gods of stories

2011-09-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

&but please tell me what there is to complain about

hello world;
you'll have an entire eternity to think in the box, so why not think outside of it now?

Fyi, wasn't really a fan of Barney Stinson (haters gonna hate) on HIMYM. Sure Barney bangs up random chicks and is secretly insecure on the inside HINT: who isn't but I was more a Ted Mosby kinda guy. There is something about Teds when you watch him trying find true love, struggle with it and not turn out to be jerk despite being dumped at the alter, that was kind of a life lesson/revelation on its own already

HOWEVER, I think that Neil Patrick Harris as an actor, a father and as a person on the other hand to be

an inspiration

***

PS: Its September already, where has the year gone by?

I've got to make this life make sense

2011-08-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

&cause now again I've found myself;away from the sun

hello world;
what happened then was a thought for now

yeah most of my stuff are pulled out of 9gag.

well;

I just don't know what else to say or to think anymore. Obstacles are self inflicted and more so self explanatory. No one else needs to define our your problems and your solutions for you. You'd just need to deal with it on your own. No more pretending the days are all sunshine, it just doesn't cut it anymore. Can't tell if I've given up on optimism as a whole, or just feeling a bit on the downer today.

on the subject of friends;

The clique I call it, to me are more and more like the itchy labels on your favourite t-shirt. Itchy and just waiting for the day to snip it away. Who needs labels when all you have are the wash instructions no?

well, no fucks given there. No complaints. Just utter disappointment in what used to be.

To everything you say, I won’t turn away

2011-08-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

&I’ve fallen in love, and it’s better this time than I’ve ever known

hello world;

strange is the life i lead

Upset mother.

Your argument is invalid.

No my mum is not upset with me but it is just an epic statement i found off tumblr

September is the month to look forward too. I can't wait for a good party. Who doesn't love a good party?

but no, its not only about the partying but for many of us, september brings about another chapter in life. One with a new meaning to it, a new way of seeing things, and yes it does bring about a difference.

All that matters is how badly would you like to be apart of it?

Can I Wake You Up

2011-08-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

&there is a story in my eyes wide shut, is it late enough?

hello world;

cheers for the unsuspecting hero

I have been busy reliving my childhood. So many years of my life that I can't get back, I want a refund.

While bumming on the ps makes me a slobb, the revelation behind all this is that, well, maybe, kinda, ummm, arrghh

okay maybe my childhood wasn't all THAT bad. something goood came out of it. silver lining, silver lining.

8 days and a counting till I get my bb!

Lesson learned during last Saturday's UM meet:

Do not question the purple banana. Its blasphemous!

Slip and fall I got the calls of the prison I was living in.

2011-08-08T04:54:00.000-07:00

&yeah I'm alright; I took a sip of something poison but I’ll hold on tight.

hello world;
triangle?

your world was too mainstream, so I made my own

Helena Beat; so ~~fucking~~ awesome.

Hint.

If you don't start now, you will never

The cold thorns in your patronizing gaze suffocate me

2011-08-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

&no don't come closer, I don't even want your concern

hello world;
#majorkoreanfanboyftw

such a rebel, so badass

but alas no;

I'm just another socially awkward penguin on the inside

Cause you see lately something's changed in my mind

2011-07-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

&how come when I'm met by love it makes me wake up and be empty?

and I realize that the problem is my fault
hello world;

haha, in your face muggles.

The good thing about being away from uni is that I can have more perspective on what life is on the outside, beyond the even more mundane finality of campus grounds. I want to get more involved with whatever that is out there, rather than be ensnared here. If I don't start now, I'll never start. never

kickback, kickback? Florence at Oxygen Festival and Glastonbury. That should cut it

trending on twitter is #dearyoungself

so here goes.

You'll survive. Its hard, a decade or so later and I'm still struggling but its something that we both would have to learn to live with and you know what, all those people out there making yourself miserable back then? Today, they don't even matter anymore. Sure the memory of it would haunt you but that's what it is, a memory. Deal with it and learn to let it go, its not worth it living your life based on the expectations of people who don't even matter anymore. Fuck them and fuck their ideologies. You'll be in a better place and the only thing that can hurt you is yourself so try not to let that happen cause you are stronger, stronger than most people are. So live and let live, try and forgive if you can cause like I said, a decade and so later.

I'm still struggling. So change. Smile at the world, smile at the silver linings in smile, just flash that charming bucktoothed, soon to be braced face smile and you'll be okay.

Can I Confess These Things To You

2011-07-29T02:59:00.000-07:00

&well I don't know embedded in my chest and it hurts to hold

you mean that much to me and its hard to show

hello world;

I'm steady but bound to trip

One of the many perils of being me. It is an occupational hazard, one I do not wish to undertake

You know how in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix where the real Alastor Moody was kept locked in his own trunk for 7 months and a Death Eater has been impersonating him ever since until the influence of the Polyjuice potion, constantly having a regular intake of him to ensure that his facade isn't blown but in the end it did anyways?

yeaaaaaah

There is a time in life when you just stop and think for yourself whether or not you can carry on doing this for the rest of your life and to just see whether you are happy with the decisions that you make, ultimately for yourself

it is a scary scary place to be in confused

why and I repeat myself, WHY wasn't I born to be a pokemon trainer? Life would be so much easier.

Both of us broken caught in a moment

2011-07-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

&we lived and we loved we hurt and we jumped, yeah we cannot deny

hello world;
I has the 2007 fever, all over again

and I thank you puchong kids for helping me relive the days cause all everyone needs is to be reminded of where they started off

yes, I do a really good job when it comes to disappearing off the face of the earth

On the other hand

~~I hate being confused and I need to talk this through and out but I don't know who to turn to. Help?~~

Not just yet

We let all these moments pass us by.

2011-07-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

&we barely make it, we don't need to understand that there are miracles; miracles.

there is a lot more to life that we can give

hello world;

I am in denial but nothing new

Its been getting to me for quite awhile now but I just seemed to refuse to accept it. Much like the other things of life, it takes awhile for the news to sink beneath my skin.

Death is concept that I was once too young to understand. In my defense, I blame the senseless killings attributed by video games to numb my senses. It doesn't change the fact that when it first hit the family, I was 16, yet unfeeling until it finally hits you.

It is a loss, I've lost my dad once but the knowledge of knowing that he is around and alive is a strange but numbing comfort. Death on the other hand is a loss for life.Knowing that the person won't just come around anymore for visits on Sunday mornings, knowing that the person won't be sitting across the table during family reunions, to just be present here with the living, with you around. It is hard living with that fact of life. Every time you get that picture perfect family moment, the feeling that you get when you realize that its not that complete after all, when it finally washes over you; that feeling just sucks, big time.

I've honestly never come to terms with it. I honestly don't think that I am strong enough to ever come to terms with it.

How can you leave knowing that there are people behind that need you so much more?

There is that one part of me that just wishes, prays and hopes that the person will always be with us, not only within our hearts and thoughts but also here physically. Childish, I know but that is just how I see it. I am not ready to give them up yet, so please don't just take them away without due time.

The pain honestly is just too much to bear, it is almost physical in nature, stabbing you from within.

I'm just not ready yet.

I don't have to exist outside this place

2011-07-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

&dear know that I can change;but if stars, shouldn't shine by the very first time

hello world;

the xx

nuff said'

Just something that I stole off Karlye's page by Ed Taylor's.

It doesn't take a fuc_ing genius to realize the fact that we have screw ups in life albeit the fact that some might be bigger than others but ultimately your biggest enemy is yourself and why let yourself be barred down by the antithesis that you are? Call me a dreamer, an over optimist if you must but you've had that second chance, third, fourth fifth, chance to make amendments and to make things right, so for once, quit bitching about it and just man up to the occasion and grab it. Break the vicious cycle, don't just sit there and be complacent enough about it. You'll never move on life, life is a cycle that you chose not to break anyways.

I wish I would have chosen things differently in life too but shit happens, now move on.

and no, procrastinating doesn't help you make the right choices either. If procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow, I'd be king of the world by now :D

so yeah; hello world

I've been getting lazy and sick, forever sick, so I have resorted to not leaving the house unless its me driving the cousins from down under around and I have made my bed, the laptop and Clarytine my best friend's forever (Y)

#gettinghighontheprescriptionmedslikeaboss

I've resented the fact that I have to get a job for the month of August especially with the KK trip off, ~~so much to look forward to in life FML~~ but lets face it, I have expensive hobbies that my mum refuses to fund anymore on the grounds that I am now 19, but lets face it mommy, nothing in life is cheap nowadays!

and no, I am not going for any concerts this weekend, its part of my new hipster's lets boycott all mainstream social scene so that I can't be seen for 2 months and stay home and watch non stop nyan cat so unless you are going to tempt me out of the house with the promise of food, a whole truck load of it, don't bother

Searching The World For What's Right Here

2011-07-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

&where would I be if this were to go under and it's a risk I'd take

I want to shut the doors and open up my minds

hello world;

I am just _______________ *go figure

Filling in the blanks, that's how I feel pretty much nowadays; blank

I hate not knowing all the answers to life, more importantly the feeling of being left in the dark, confused with the situation just doesn't seem to cut it with a control freak like me

not a nice feeling, just saying

from now till September, I just need to regain that measure of control, you know the one that has been slipping away for a while now.

In the meantime

knock yourselves out on the xx's

The scars of your love remind me of us,

2011-06-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

&they keep me thinking that we almost had it all

something I cooked out of my illustrator as a result of goofing around.
that was lame lol
hello world;

okay, I'm kinda tired and depressed as a byproduct of an incredibly dreadful week filled with procrastination, laziness, temptations (hint; a whole quarter slice of a chocolate pound cake with marzipan, there goes the diet) and the dull spirits and the death of my enthusiasm. All in a week, whoop-de-doo

if you think I'm going to rant about it, think again

no really

they were right about the lack of enthusiasm, being back in the city and being bombarded with assignments just kind of kills the whole mojo of things and dear lord, endorphin is man's best friend. God could not have created a better happy drug as I would call it. The lack of exercise and excess bummage around with a mouthful of chocolate cake did wonders to add to my "fuck the world" level.

For every 3 good weeks in a row, the 4th is bound to be bad or killer depressing.

#self full filling prophecy hardy har?

but no really really

the rush is gone /wrists

perhaps if I continue running the usual 10km tomorrow, I'll get it back.

yes, when in doubt, run. Not from your problems but, well, you get what I mean

so yeah, today is the day which I honestly have been really dreading for the last 19 years of my life but

*clears throat*

to you who wasn't here when I got my braces on, removed, trainers and retainers included or the time when I was ecstatic over the fact that I finally passed foundation or the time when I hated school so much, I lied, cried, tantrum-ed so much so that I wouldn't have to go

happy father's day

****

Talk Don't Change A Thing

2011-06-09T06:22:00.000-07:00

&words don't swim, they sink; oh its fading for ya

hello world;
let me start by saying that I worship the very ground that The Temper Trap, The Naked and The Famous & U2 tread upon. *worships*

well uni's a bitch, nothing new there

you just can't walk up to people who already coexist in a group and say

" Hi I have no friends, can you be my friend :'( "

well, you can if you are a hot chick but thats not my point

#reason 102 to get a blackberry

I have a datebook, yes I actually do

so yeah after spending 5 soul draining, social life decaying and mind numbing days a week in class and getting stuck in traffic and the whole mambo jumbo of it all, spending the weekends to do something I love and passionate is about is actually pretty invigorating!

almost like its injecting a shot of adrenaline into a dead, limp cabbage * hint; the cabbage fairy*

life continues to mindfuck us, just like un chien andalou but it can't be helped, we'll survive it, somehow

Teach Me, I Know I'm Not A Hopeless Case

2011-05-28T15:45:00.000-07:00

&see the world in green and blue; see the canyons broken by cloud

hello world;

alex is re-examining his purpose in life ( as usual )

First up, I am expected to be at 4 different places on both Friday and Saturday night.

I can't deal with it. too muchh, too muchh

but no really;

I'm beginning to see it all in a different light now, that there is so much more to life than just making money

though my new hobby probably requires a lot of money with all my air tickets and equipments and stuff like that

point being!

Get out there and do something you love and love what you're doing. get it?

Anyways, climbing up Mount KK in July! wish me luck!

PS - Me and Lihuan are officially the first 2 IW participants to ever return of log clean ups. Now I'm being forced to go for expedition and the walk. No complains there!

After The Flood; All The Colours Came Out

2011-05-23T02:41:00.000-07:00

&it was a beautiful day, don't let it all get away

hello world;

I truly am happy, contented and awed beyond words

Elation

is that weird little feeling that you get when you've finally figured things out and right now, I'm pretty sure that it is that, that I'm feeling right now

For once in my life, I've never been so sure, never been so confident that I've finally found my calling in life and it is absolutely life changing

and its all because I did trusted my instinct and my gut feelings and went for Raleigh KL Intro Weekend.

On the same weekend as camp, there was this job offer thing that pays pretty good for the day and I found myself deliberating whether or not should I stay in KL for the money or should I go for the camp and gain myself a a lifetime's worth of experience.

looking back the the Raleigh camp experience, at the good and bad times in camp; it was all worth it; blood,sweat, tears and all

As there were only 5 guys in camp, one of the co-od's in camp said something that really struck me and it was

"well I don't know if you all are boys or men. but if you guys are still boys, well this is the time for you guys to step up and become men"

well, yeah I think it stuck on me pretty damn well

Through out the last 3 days, I've learn so much more about life compared to an eternity here in KL

I've did things that I've never did before or thought that I'll ever have the chance to ever do so. I've been thrown further out in the my comfort zone, placed in life threatening situations, learned more about teamwork that I ever thought I knew before, learned to finally not care about getting down and dirty,felt the hardship of working for the basic necessities that we take for granted everyday in life, felt what was it was like to be so utterly defenseless and dependent on others and I've learned that I actually do have it in me to balls up and persevere through it all without whining like a bitch and to not give up halfway and well that basically just applies to everything in life

also, every hardship in life has a silver lining and if you are so weak to have given up halfway, how would you ever discover what the silver lining is? If you'd given out halfway, you'd be deprived of the glorious feeling of satisfaction and pride in yourself knowing that you've stuck it up and survived the hardships thrown your way. That feeling my friend, is a feeling that you'll never ever want to miss out on

I've mentioned life changing and based on all the experience that I've gained throughout the last 3 days, it was; but the epitome of it all was my decision at the end of camp and it was me wanting to quit. Yes I don't look like it right? But yeah, I'm stopping, cold turkey, once and for all. It finally dawned upon me after the third task at camp, on the second day (IW peeps should know which one la) that you know what, I'm wasting my life away, its doing me no good. After the activities, I felt like I was about to die cause I was so tired and I felt so out of shape. From that moment on, I've almost instantly made up my mind by calling the shots, taking charge of my life again and wanting to stop destroying it.

Why do I say that after IW, this is my life's calling?

Just like my new camp/outdoor and soon to be couch surfing buddy Li Huan, I suck balls at the ball games. For real, I suck at football/futsal and have you seen me play basketball? Yao Ming would probably cry of torture, but point being; I still do love the great outdoors! Walking/ Jogging/ Running/ Trekking is something that I really like to do cause as my friend said it, its just putting one leg in front of another, we're instinctively pre-programmed to do so. Well trekking is just walking up hill and after IW, there is nothing to it anymore!

that and I don't know if you guys remember, but I did mention about mission trips and wanting to join Mercy Malaysia, well by joining Raleigh, I get to do the best of both worlds. I get to do all the adventure things that I've always wanted and I do get to do good back to the community through all the community part of it Raleigh. I have all the energy and often it is redirected to all the wrong things in life but now, this gives me a focus, something to work and be proud of in years to come.

Hey,Prince William was in Raleigh. In any justification, I am a part of something the future king of England is in :D

A last shout out?

To all the Bravo team members and co-od's. I've said this once and I'll say it again. It is an honor being a part of the Bravo team and it is an even bigger honor to have met all you guys and the friendship, teamwork and support that we've fostered throughout the last 3 days is something that I'll never ever forget.

To the trailblazers

thank you for the help with the *coughs ~~footwear~~ *coughs* . If it wasn't for you guys, I am not sure that I would have been able to survive the hike down

also?

to my new found camp/outdoor buddy. Thanks for telling me about IW. It was epic beyond words. Here's to more activities to come and to expedition.

Well I guess this is not the end, but a new beginning

last words?

10 hours jungle trekking, your truly trekked down (halfway at least) in the dark, rainy and muddy hill wearing only socks. like a boss.

but I wouldn't have survived it without my team Bravo! you guys rock!

No You Don't Need It

2011-05-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

&hold it together now, cause i know how thats like

hello world;

I've always wished to be different or to do extraordinary things

wished

but today I realized something

what's stopping me?

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends

2011-05-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

&when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery city bank lights

hello world;

alex is now officially an university student

and you just managed to steal my heart away; just like that

Life is but a lease from god, that is what they say

It is after all, all the more reason to remember the mistakes that we've made and to learn to live with it rather than to just ponder in the past, unmoving.

thus,

in other words

WAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP